Introducing the newest member of the Pan Jack Tour:
The Two Toed Sloth, aka: David Engler (USGA Index of 9)
Description and Characteristics of our newest member:
They have long gray or brown hair that blends in well with the surrounding environment, making it difficult for predators, such as the Panda, Jackal, Ferret and Turtle to see them.
They grow to a length of between 6 feet and 6 feet one and a half inches. Their ancestor, the Giant Ground Sloth, which lived before the last ice age, reached the size of the modern elephant.
They eat leaves and buds. The two-toed species also eat fruits and small prey but particularly enjoy minimally seared red meat like bone-in rib eye steaks. Their low rate of metabolism enables them to live on relatively little food as long as it is consumed in oversized portions. They don't drink anything but the finest of malted and grain base spirits and occasionally consume water through the ingestion of juicy leaves & licking dewdrops falling from their umbrella while walking the fairway.
Due to the consumption of large quantities of meat malted beverages, the sloth moves very slowly. This movement acts as a natural advantage for the sloth against its enemies such as the easily irritated and naturally impatient Jackal. The Sloth also is a surprisingly good swimmer which is a genuine asset to him when searching for his tee-shot.
The tour welcomes its newest member and hopes that this brief primer will help our fans get to know the Sloth as the 2008 season progresses.
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