Opening Day in Question!!

The weather will be a huge factor in Saturday's 1st round of the PanJack Tour. Seems that players might be teeing off in mid 30 degree weather and high winds. We caught up to The Panda to ask what his thoughts are on the opening round.
"F-this, and F-no I am not going to play in this half ass crap weather! Are you kidding me? Mid 30's and high winds? Do you have any idea what that type of weather will do to my fur? I will play if you want a angry Panda on your hands, and believe me you don't want to see that. Has anyone seen my bourbon?"
We have to assume that The Panda isn't going to be happy if the committee decides to go ahead with the 1st round. We got the Jackal on a phone interview about the 1st round being in question and this is what he had to say;
"I am looking forward to the year of the Jackal. If the weather is crap, well at least The Panda will be off his game. I know he gets sensitive about his fur in cold windy weather. He is such a puss. In my day, before cars, we had to walk everywhere. So walking up hill in the snow both ways to school every day is nothing compared to a nice mid 30 degree day and a slight breeze. Us old timers don't have a problem roughing it. We fought in 2 world worlds for cripes sake."
Well, the Jackal is ready to go as usual. We expected nothing less from the willy veteran, with no war experience. The Sloth was nothing short on words for the up coming event on Saturday. This is what he had to say;
"Where's the scotch? Seriously, are we out or something? Can't someone get some more? For f-sake what kind of place is this? I WANT SOME F-ING SCOTCH YOU F-ERS!!!"
Like we said, the Sloth is never short on words. In fact, the Sloth has been working a deal out with WWF. Not the wrestle organization but the World Wildlife Fund. Apparently he was so moved by watching his cousins on TV that he decided he wanted to give back to his family in the wild. The Sloth wants to donate a case of scotch a week to Sloth's in the wild. The WWF is not really considering the offer but the Sloth is hell bent on getting the joy of scotch to his family.
We had a hard time finding the Ferret but we did and this is what his comments were about the 1st round;
"I'm looking forward to a good year. I have been hitting hundreds of balls, mentally of course. I think I might change clubs mid season, wait, ummm maybe not, well, maybe I will, no no no I will stick with I, no yes I will, no no, Crap I don't even know how I hit the ball straight. I apologize to the home owners on number 6. Tell them I just can't help it."
Well it seems that all the players are ready for Saturday, minus The Panda of course. We at the Chronicle can't wait to report in the 1st round results. Good luck players and fans.