Friday May 23, 2008
From the Editors of the Pan Jack Chronicle.
The editorial board of the Chronicle are asking our readers to assist in the search for the Ferret. The Ferret, son of the Department Chair of the Kennedy High School English Department, winner of the United States Excellence in Education Award (during the Reagan administration) has been notably absent from he pages of the PanJack Chronicle this golf season. Oh yes, there was a half hearted attempt at contributing a survey early in the year and early pithy comments to the slow witted recently departed Turtle. But, of late no words of wisdom, insight or even indignation have been written.
The Chronicle was built to give voice to those on tour. Those very souls who toil in the spotlight of the arena of competition. It is a disservice to all the players on the tour when one of their beloved own refuses to participate in the open forum that is the Chronicle. So to you fans out there who care deeply for the tour; help us find our skittish furry friend the Ferret and bring him back into the bosom of the Chronicle.
5 comments:
Panda here...I personally think the Ferret is a chicken shit. Let's face it, he is little, furry, and quite sneaky. Why would a little furry sneaky guy need to waste his time with the Chronicle? I'll tell ya why, he can't match wits with anyone. Maybe his only stregth is a solid 14 holes of golf, and that is it. 14 holes at 3 over par and that is all you get to see folks. Comment on the Chronicle? Noooo, why would I want someone to make fun of me. "Oh mommy the Jackal and Panda are being mean to me in the Chronicle". Hey Ferret, ya you little furry sneaky guy, you need to grab those jelly beans for nuts and start writing. Hey if I can make 30 to 40 spelling errors and take the heat, so can you. So what if you hit that guys house on #6 EVERY time you play the hole. It's part of the Chronicle experience.
That is all I have to say, and I look forward to next week, which is old man ass wooping week. It works out well for me. =)
In a statement made through his agent, the Ferret wishes to thank all of you for your concern...it's quite touching actually. Currently, the Ferret is in his undergroud lair in Southwestern MN. He uses this as a getaway only when forced...it keeps peace within the familial unit...he will return on Sunday.
Hopefully "The Great Panda", as he so frequently refers to himself in the the third person vernacular, (very much like that fellow who won the "Turkey of the Year" award, Herschel Walker), will be able to comment without using profanity. It's only shows one's inability to get one's point across without slinging such simplton mud...please note that your previous audience is no longer on the Tour...you may start using a Thesaurus...your current readership will embrace the effort.
While enjoying a Willamette Valley Pinot, (that is a red wine Panda...FYI), he wishes to apologize to the Chronical, its readers and the Tour for being so inexplicably absent. He has been pre-occupied due to the amount of effort necessary to figure out how to be a contributing, tax paying member of the working class. After a 15 month hiatus, the shock of being accountable once again has taken its toll on one of the most popular and humble players on the tour. He has committed himself this year to breakout of his slump and return to the glory days of flight champion and one of the more successful skins players on the Tour. With his new partner, Sloth, they will be a force to be reckoned with in team play and should be able to make their way through the clubhouse menu by early August leaving Panda and Jackal shaking the heads and trying to determine who was at fault this week.
We'll see you next week boys...have a safe and relaxing long weekend.
Bravo Ferret, bravo.
I do like the sound of the Sloth and the Ferret "making their way through the clubhouse menu" at the expense of the B&B Boys (the Bellicose Panda and the Bitter Jakal).
The B&B Boys are ready for a side game this Saturday with increasingly cocky Sloth and Ferret.
Post a Comment