The PanJack Chronicle has verified what many fans of the tour have feared since watching an out-of-sorts Panda struggle mightily in his delayed season debut. Off season pursuits HAVE taken away from his focus on the course. In an endorsement deal with console game giant Activision rumored to be in the hundreds of fifths, The Great Panda spent this last winter in the studio instead of honing his legendary swing tempo.While not appearing with Jack Black in the actual movie due out in June, the Tour's Panda was tapped for the video game spin offs. Has the new found fame gone to his head? Will the off-course distractions continue to infect his play? When reached for comment, the Panda replied "Go f@*& yourself. Talk to my agent."
The promotional picture taken above was obviously prior to this spring's alarming weight loss. Speculation on the weight loss has ranged from a new-found vanity spawned by promotional mall appearances before throngs of screaming pre-teens to a dalliance in the well documented recreational drug scene of Hollywood.
For the good of The Tour, The Great One’s fans are hoping that he remembers what got him here in the first place and that he can return to his roots (and berries).
3 comments:
It's definitely drugs. I have photographic evidence of the Great Panda's long standing love affair with mind/body altering chemicals, and am not above exposing him exclusively to the Chronicle. Mama needs a new wardrobe. Let's make a deal.
Pandress
Madam - The Chronicle has nothing but the highest journalistic standards and the editors are frankly offended by your not-so-subtle overtures.
(in other words, how much??)
Pandress, I would be more than happy to aide and abet your scheme to extort money from the Panda for the purposes of buying a new wardrobe. Not that I think your attire needs improving as you are always fashionable when I have been entertained in your palacial estate in the kingdom of Plymouth. However, I have noticed the Panda wearing newly minted golf shirts this spring and feel it's only fair for you to keep pace with the furry peacock.
Let me know when you want to meet in order to hatch the plan.
Always,
Jackal.
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