The Great Panda has been released! No charges has been formally brought against The Great Panda and we have found out that he has been cleared to play for the 1st major qualifying of the year. Tour officials are not saying anything about the gorilla/panda incident. They have however clear him to play.
We caught up to that Panda coming out of the courthouse and this is what he had to say; "I don't have to explain anything. I fell into a gorilla pit and kick some ass. What is the big deal? I will kick ass, like I did in the gorilla den. The Sloth and Ferret will not qualify and frankly I am a little disappointed that they don't award a top qualifying team award. The Jackal and I will dominate the field like Patton though Europe. Weight loss, lasic, longer hair all equals dominance people."
We caught up with The Jackal about the Panda release and the is what he said; "Why on earth would we......ok yep we will qualify.......fat or not. Patton who? Give me a break. Did the Panda read that or see it on the history channel? We will play well enough to qualify but really a notation of General Patton is not necessary. Panda needs to settle down."
The Sloth was not short of words of the Panda release and this is what he had to say; "I will take his double bourbon of whatever and pour it out over the 18th green of not qualifying. I know that the Jackal will carry him to non-qualify. The Panda needs his weight to play well, and without that he is nothing but another normal guy. In the Sloth book, that is what we call a huge scotch mistake. Panda needs to be fat to play well, this skinny thing he is trying to pass off is a bunch of bull. I can't wait to wipe up a new bamboo ass. By the way, who has more scotch?"
The Ferret was short on words to say this; "We are playing this Saturday? What is the event? I'm not playing with the Jackal? What the hell is going on? How am I going to qualify now?
We at the Chronicle can't wait to report what happens at the 1st major qualifying of the year. With the pairing of the low handicappers of the Jackal and Panda versus the extremely high handicappers of Sloth and Ferret it should be a show case of events to report in on.
Who gets drinks? Who gets lunch? Who might get both?? Stay tuned to The Chronicle!!!
PS
As a note to our readers, if you do not commet on articles on a regular basis you will be taken off the list and label as a GIANT VAGE!!! Buck up and say something!
3 comments:
Upon reading the latest post, I became concerned that the Panda’s recent injuries, coupled with his alarming weight loss, had addled his brain. “No charges has been charged?” “They have clear him to play?” I fell into a gorilla pit and kick some ass?” It reminded me of a conversation I overheard between the proprietor of my local Chinese take-out and Clem Haskins.
At which point I read the time of the posting (1:20am) and wrote it all off to the medication. Clearly this extremely slow kick-off to the season has made the Panda more bellicose (and less articulate) than usual. It’s time to let the clubs do the talking. Hit away!
Alright! Someone wrote something. I was thinking that the nurses put the Sloth and Ferret on lock down for not eating their peas.
The weather doesn't look like it is going to provide any excuses for the higher handicapers in the field.
I think I might change my order to a burger.....take note of that fellas.
Thank you for pointing out my drunken typing skills. Even with spell check there was nothing that was going to help me out. Too much bamboo can do that do a bear.
Just curious of what you are going to do on #6 when your partner takes out a kid in the panic area?
My partner is in Recovery (just check out his ball mark) from PTSD due to years of partnering with non-compatible species. The low heart rate and soothing voice of the Sloth will be a balm to his frayed nerve endings. Our strategy is to achieve a Zen-like state early in the round and take advantage of every stroke our handicaps allow. There is no out of bounds on #6, only bliss. Oummmmmmmmm………….
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