The Sloth Breaks His Long Silence

A relaxed Sloth (TS) sat down recently for a wide ranging one-on-one interview with The PanJack Chronicle (PJC).

PJC – Thanks for joining us today, we appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule. First of all, tell us what prompted your recent surgery.
TS – I had a feeling at the very beginning of the season that something was not right. I wrote it off as a combination of the poor spring weather and the usual aches and pains as players round into competitive shape at the start of the long campaign. By the time I completed my 3rd outing of the season, it became abundantly clear that something was physically wrong, so I consulted the specialists.
PJC – What did they find?
TS – As reported earlier, it was an issue with my right wrist and ankle.
PJC – What was the cause?
TS – In preparation for my debut season on The Tour, I decided to tweak my equipment and work on some new techniques around the greens. Harvey Divot has modernized the classic fall back move into something he has dubbed the “dip and slip”. The concept is to not fight the natural lowering of the right shoulder as the club approaches the ball on chip shots, but rather to accelerate it into a full fledged dip as you slip the club under the ball. In theory, it can lead to more consistency around the green because it is a pro-active move, rather than an adjustment to fight off a natural tendency. As I worked to perfect this move in the off season, I ended up hitting a lot of shots at my indoor facility and the pounding of the club on the mat created some strain on my tendons.
PJC – What did the surgeons find?
TS – The tendons in my right wrist and right ankle were luckily in better shape than they expected, but they did find some nerve damage in the wrist that they did not expect. I was under the impression that the tingling in my two toes was weather related, but in essence, it was a fraying of the nerves. They removed some scar tissue and used a process they called “buffing” to smooth out some rough spots on the tendons. The nerve endings will have to regenerate on their own, but now have a clear path to do so.

The Sloth, resplendent in Hefneresque silk, is seen here during re-hab with physical therapist Alotta Fagina and twin Indonesian personal trainers Fook U and Fook Mi.

PJC – What is involved in the re-hab?
TS – I have a great team. A full time physical therapist and a pair of personal trainers. A lot of it is manipulative deep tissue stretching with occasional bursts of aerobic activity to get the heart rate up. Of course diet is extremely important. Luckily, Alotta is French trained. I also have found the ancient restorative powers of the Whisky from Speyside region of Scotland.
PJC – When will you be back on Tour?
TS – I’m expecting to return at the end of June.
PJC – What do you make of the “Sloth Gone Wild” reporting you have seen?
TS – I try not to let it bother me. Some of it stems from my lack of communication, but the nerve damage in my wrist was more debilitating than I had expected and it limited my ability to type. I must say, though, I was surprised to see that a first class journalist like F. Joel could get sucked into the vacuum of hype that my silence created. The picture of Alotta and me is clearly one of our deep tissue sessions. My stop at the Arkansas Hooters was for a charity event raising money for the Bump and Grind foundation which teaches machine shop skills to underprivileged youth. John Daly is a friend of mine, but the photo that was run is clearly several years old, just look at his relatively slim waistline. I will say that The Kitty Kat Klub is a favorite of mine, but the main reason for my stop on this trip was due to their renowned selection of rare Speysides. The Carnaval report was especially puzzling, due to my well known efforts to aid the poor living in the hillside Favelas, not to mention that it is a Pre-Lenten celebration.
PJC – What about the youth baseball accusations?
TS – I must admit, that did sting a little. As you know, I have been very involved in coaching youth sports when my schedule allows. I had a rare opportunity with this re-hab to catch one of the recent tournaments. Having weaned myself from involvement with this particular age group, I did not want to be a distraction at the park. The current coaches have asked me to keep a low profile, because the kids try to do too much when they know I am watching and they get thrown off their game. The good news is that they did complete a 2nd place finish and have earned a State Tournament birth.
PJC – What’s next?
TS – I’m looking forward to getting back out there. The therapy sessions can get a little grueling - the Fook twins can be real task masters - but we all have to stay professional about it. My biggest concern is the nerve regeneration, but I have seen some very good progress recently and I’m optimistic.
PJC – Thanks for your candid insights.
TS – You’re welcome. Thank you for the opportunity to set the record straight.