Monday June 9, 2008
By F. Joel Goldstrand
The PanJack Tour announced today that they have entered an agreement with Dell and Comcast to provide late model computation devices and high speed access to the internets for there members who are obviously in need.
Tour spokesperson for the effort, W.W. Nerdlinger, stated: "We have some members of our tour who struggle with the latest technology as evidenced by their lack of participation on the tour blog. This is a very important part of the tour as it keeps our fans in touch with the goings on inside and outside the ropes. "
"As an example, we have one of our premiere players who suffered through a season without a sponsor last year who is just getting back on his feet. He struggles with the blog because he is obviously using a dial up connection and we need to make sure he has the latest high speed technolgy." said Nerdlinger.
"In addition one of our newest members suffers from a birth defect resulting in only two digits and we have partnered with Dell to develop a keyboard that is used extensivley in the Special Education community for those with birth defects in order to make it easier for this player to blog more often."
The tour is setting up donation pails around Fox Hollow this month for fans to contribute their nickles and dimes in order to raise the money necessary to outfit every player with the tools needed to fulfill this very important obligation to the fans and community at large.
(we at the Chronical will be keeping an eye on the progress of this technology drive and promise to keep our readers updated as the season progresses.)
17 comments:
One of the members referred to in this drive for internet access has recently participated in the blog. His last few comments were consistant with, in the golfing vernacular, as "laying sod over the ball". He has since developed a case of the yips. He is undergoing instruction and therapy to get over his recent play in the Chronical. With or without any luck, he should return shortly.
We at the editorial board understand this malady but suggest that visualizing will not work in this case. Our recommendation is to get out and play as much as possible.
Playing is key for scores to go down. Anyone can hit balls all day in their mind or at the course. The great players of today and the past have always said that unless you can apply what you practice on the course you might as well play tennis. It does help when both partners practice and play, but that should be a given.
I think The Great Panda may have mis-understood the comment regarding "laying sod...". Ferret was not referring to his game. He is, without question, legitimately practicing to improve his game...not just visualizing. He understands that the only way to be recognized on the tour is to begin lowering his handicap.
Where TGP is confused is, Ferret was referring to his comments of a week ago where he was justifiably called out by the editorial staff of the Chronical. The case of the "yips" is pertaining to ensuring any commentary filed by Ferret fits with the ever changing format of the weekly fish wrap.
As far as Sloth is concerned, Ferret is very confident his partner's recent play is just a minor blip.
Ferret, the Editorial Board called the Panda shortly after his post and cleared the matter up. As you know his ability to pick up on the subtleties of satire are somewhat impaired by years of being fed Jim Beam intraveniously.
We, the editors, found your comments not only well penned but very funny and most importantly timely. Keep up the good work and we look forward to your future contributions to the weekly fish wrap. We will continue to monitor the Panda and make sure he fully understands everything he reads and will put him back on the program whereby he runs everything through the news desk prior to posting.
Always,
Jackal
I dont knowe what you guys, hic, are talkin aboutt. I got waht he said, sort of. Why do you hav to be so sneakie and stuff aboot yer riting. In case you did know butt Champs has a nooon time liqudy wunch deal. Yous should checkie it out.
Oh brovo on righting stuff. Very sneakie lik your partner but he jsut is sneakie disappear guy. Maybee he practices instead of wreading this fish wrap. I said maybee.
At what point will we stop being reminded of the "Jim Beam...intraveniously" references to TGP. Surely he has other traits, characteristics and flaws that the "wiley old veteran" can uncover...afterall, isn't that what great reporting is all about???
I understand your frustion Ferret but we think writing about an individuals history with hemmoridial tissue would be going over the line. It would be like talking about the nagging rash you have suffered with on panty line for years. We try to keep that stuff quiet.
It's too bad this is a 3 way conversation piece. I think it would be more enjoyable if 4 people were commenting. The more the marrier I always say.
Riddle me, riddle me, ree;
A little Sloth man in a tree;
A stick in his hand,
A stone in his throat,
If you tell me this riddle
I'll give you a groat.
Groat...nicely done...Webster online is a beautiful thing...TGP never ceaes to amaze!!
The Ferret is heading for the "Copy Writer of the Year" award at the end of the season.
PS: Ferret, remember what our teachers at Edina said about picking on the Wayzata kids. It's not their fault their ancestors married within the family.
You Edina boys are on fire today. Maybe you should have some cold ice cream with that cake you are enjoying and wash it down with a nice ice wine.
Don't forget to put your pinky up!
...but as the "wise old sage" in Bloomington once said..."what the hell, they're not from Camelot, go for it!"
The editorial board is putting a halt to these personal references. It is obvious that we have struck the one raw nerve left in the Panda species after generations of inter-family marriage. After all we in the U.S. do not make fun of the Windsors for all looking alike!
TGP...what is an "ice wine"...I am not familier with that, nor do I believe I want to be. When one enjoys a dessert item, it is best served with a fine port or Late Harvest Riesling...FYI
Ferret I thought you pay my a compliment for knowing what ice wine was. I didn't just make it up.
Bravo Panda...bravo!!
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