Club Champion Week: A Special Report

Monday August 4, 2008

From the Editors of Golf Digest

THE Major of the year is upon us, The Fox Hollow Club Championship; the only tournament in the year that will cause a lump in the throat at the first tee, and has the potential to cause multiple lumps to form during play.

This year Golf Digest has sent its very best, F. Joel Goldstrand, to the field in order to capture the developing stories this week. F. Joel will be profiling the tours Panda, Jackal, Ferret and Sloth on a daily basis leading up to the weekend. He will be chronicling the players’ preparation as they get ready to challenge for their various flight championships. God knows none of them have a shot at being named Club Champion this year based upon their play. So, let’s get started. We hope you readers find this series interesting and enjoyable as a lead up to the weekend.

Monday, Day 1:

The Ferret Camp:

After being fitted with a new ball this weekend, the Ferret is rethinking his strategy of shipping his driver to Sri Lanka for the week. “The new ball coupled with the positive dream I had last night of roping drives down the fairway makes me think I might let the big dog eat this week. I have a practice round scheduled with the Jackal later this week and will test my theory.”


The Jackal Camp:

We checked in with the aged ones agent, Hemi Tissue, and he told us the Jackal is very confident heading into the championship. “It took most of the summer, but the old fart figured out how to hit his driver with a semblance of authority. This has him confident and working on his wedge game this week because he knows that will make the difference in cashing a big check or going home with lint in his pockets.”


The Panda Camp:

The Panda’s spokesman, J.B. Black, told us that the furry one is working on his putter and wedge this week. “This has been the summer of adjustment for the great one,” said Black. “The alarming weight loss and planned elimination of mass imbibing have resulted in alarmingly inconsistent play by the Great Panda. It took most of the summer to adjust to a back swing that approached parallel, then you add to that the reoccurring malady of stabbing at his short putts and what you have is higher scores than the Panda is used to shooting. We have the turn thing figured out so this week is going to spent working on the putting stroke. We are going to start dosing him nightly to eliminate any of the shakes and D.T.’s that have inflicted him this summer.

“The only other major decision the Great One has to make this week is whether to put his old Srixon driver back in the bag. Most of you fans remember this controversial equipment change made earlier this year. The Panda became bored hitting long straight penetrating drives that soared high with a slight draw, with the ability to carve a fade when needed as well. He switched to the latest sofa sized head being played on tour today with a off the rack shaft that now has him hitting nothing but Litzke fades. Some think he has played to many rounds with the Jackal and fallen in love with that ball flight.



The Sloth Camp:

It has been quite the inaugural season for the Sloth. His agent, Red D. Langer, has some concerns coming into the weekend. “The alignment harness we ordered did not arrive today and that throws off our practice schedule in a huge way. I think we can get some work in on the greens but as far as practicing full shots we are on hold until that damned harness arrives. The Sloth didn’t sleep well last night knowing these big tournaments hinge on great wedge play in order to get at the tucked pins. I have him scheduled with Pelz on Tuesday for emergency surgery if you will. We’ve just got to get him to learn to take a dollar size divot when hitting the lofted clubs. We know he can do it, it’s just a matter of practicing….god where is that harness!!”