Tuesday, August 5, 2008
F. Joel Goldstrand – Golf Digest
Our intrepid reporter F. Joel goes behind the scenes this week and gives an inside look to the players prep for the upcoming Club Championship.
The Ferret Camp:
Having spent a sleepless night with a sick child, the Ferret’s preparation was pushed off by a day. “I was so tired yesterday I couldn’t even dream of dreaming when I laid my head on the pillow. Visualization, based upon daydreams and night time REM dreams are the central part of my preparation for a big tournament, and I wasn’t able to get in my usual work” said the furry darter. “I compromised by hugging my new balls as I slept, hoping this will produce a good vibe this week.” The Ferret’s spokesman, I. M. Dreamer, said that the wily vet will be out on the range today to continue the engraining of his new pre-shot routine.
The Jackal Camp:
The ever cocky Jackal’s camp reported that the old dog did nothing but carpet putt yesterday and they hope they can get him out to a real green this afternoon. “I don’t know what’s gotten him to him this week”, said his spokesman Hemi Tissue. Usually his practice habits resemble a cross between V. J. Singh and Nick Faldo. The guy has been pounding balls this summer like a teenager in a locked bed room. His attitude has us concerned.”
The Panda Camp:
The Panda’s spokesman, J.B. Black, reported some discontent inside the Panda camp yesterday. “Mrs. Panda (aka the Pandress) went downstairs, where the Panda was practicing his four footers, and flew into a rant when discovering holes in the sheet rock due to balls being blasted past the low ball glass the Panda was putting to.” The loud bangs of the balls whizzing by the cup and crashing into the wall caused her alarm and she went down to investigate” said Black. The Pandress ordered her spouse out of the house and to a live green then promptly called the insurance adjuster to put in a claim.
The Sloth Camp:
This reporter arrived at the Sloth camp this morning in time to overhear a phone conversation the Sloth was having, with what is believed to be the manufacturer of his alignment harness. Listening in from around the corner we were only able to pick up the Sloth’s side of the conversation but believe it will give you readers a good picture of what is going on in the Sloth camp today.
“Thanks, it finally arrived.”
“Yeah it looks like everything is included, even the AAA batteries”
“A couple of questions………sure you can record for training purposes.”
“Where does this strap on the left side go…..under or over the shoulder? ……ok…..how about the bolt, is it supposed to dig into my forehead like this…..ok, I’ll loosen…….there that’s better.”
“One last question, are these electrodes supposed to be attached directly to my unit or can I attach them to the outside of my shorts?......directly?......any side effects?……..oh OK, that’s really no problem…. We aren’t planning on any more children anyway.”
4 comments:
Sloth did they make special electrodes for old man balls? Kind of hard to stick to something old, soft and wrinkly.
The Panda seems to know quite-a-bit about old men's genitalia & does not seem to have much reserve about expressing so...
Nothing, I mean NOTHING, reinforces the learning process quicker than well placed electrodes.
By the way, F. Joel may have conjured up the line of the summer with "The guy has been pounding balls this summer like a teenager in a locked bed room."
Ferret it's old men like you who place them on the counter while shaving for all to see. At what point in your life is this practice ok?
Post a Comment