Club Championship Week: Day 4 of 5 part series

Thursday August 7, 2008

Golf Digest

Our Pulitzer Prize winning reporter, F. Joel Goldstrand, continues to bring you the inside view of the PanJack Tour as the run up to the Championship continues.

The Ferret Camp:

The Ferret's sore thigh has improved and he will being hitting balls live today in preparation for his scheduled practice round tomorrow. "I can't wait for tomorrow to try this new method I have been visualizing. It involves thinking about what type of shot I want to hit and where the danger lies on a particular hole and planning to avoid the hazardous areas by playing the proper club. I understand this theory has been around since Old Tom Morris struck his first mashie, but for me it is a different way to approach the game compared to my normal technique, which involves; looking at the yardage, grabbing a club, lashing away then brooding over the shot I hit for the remainder of the hole and sometimes the remainder of the round. I think this course strategy thing and taking one shot a time might just be the ticket."

The Jackal Camp:

The old dog pulled a MickSloth move yesterday, toying with the idea of a different putter for this weekend. After experimenting at the practice green last night the wily vet decided to stick with his old Billie Barrew. "I had a bit of brain fart yesterday but worked through it and will stick with the old reliable blade I have been playing for years." "I would love to take more of your questions but it's time for my nap."


The Panda Camp:

The Panda's spokesman, Mr. Beam, sat down for a brief chat to give us an update on the Panda's status leading up to Saturday: "We worked with Dr. Barleycorn and feel we have achieved the proper dosage. In addition we had the Panda sleep on a piece of shag carpeting last night to give him a subliminal message that the greens at Fox Hollow are cut to the perfect height and speed." "We are trying to instill in him that just because the greens at the Fox roll like Velcro doesn't mean he has to turn his wrists over at impact from 6 feet" said Beam.

I also asked Beam about the reports out of the Phoenix headquarters of PING. "There is nothing to the rumor that the Solheims have asked us to put tape over the PING logo on his putter. They have said that they are proud of the fact that the Panda plays their club and look forward to extending his contract that runs out on Sunday." Hmmmmmm....sounds like the kiss of death 'Vote of Confidence' to this writer.

The Sloth Camp:

I was unable to gain access to the Sloth due to his camp putting an armed guard at the gate to his compound. The Sloth's camp did issue the following statement:

"We are done giving unfettered access to the Great Sloth. He has been more than accommodating with the press this year but he is tired of having his comments used against him. Sure he boldly claimed he was going to reduce his handicap to a 5 this summer. We realize that Laddbrook has put the over under of what digit will precede the 5 at a 1 or a 2, but we don't care.....do you understand? we just don't care!!! We promise you this: come Saturday you will see a new Sloth. New ball, stance, grip and attitude. We are glad Bridgestone stock dropped like a rock yesterday (on news that the Sloth will play their ball this weekend) we put in a large order to sell short....we are laughing all the way to the bank." "We finally get a chance to golf our own ball this weekend and can't wait. We are tired of this team crap and guarantee a run at the title in our flight this weekend."