Monday, September 8th, 2008
By O.B. Wright-Golf Magazine
Players are getting ready this week for the International Count 2,3,4. The "top" players from the PanJack Tour are coming together for an international format that wraps up the year for the players. This is the only event all 4 furry creatures get to play together as a team. The two man events are one thing but putting all 4 players on the same team could be a challenge. On one hand you have the wiley Jackal and sometimes grumpy Panda. On the other hand you have the slow Sloth and sneaky Ferret. These pairings work well separately but the group will be put to the test having to play together as one. I caught up to the international captain Clause Uberugly to talk to him about his team. "I veally feel dat dee American's are for kerap. Vee haven't seen much good play from any of dem dis year. Look at da Panda boy's play dis year, kerap unt kerap. Vut has he done dis year? I'll tell you....NOTHING! Ya ya he made a guud run at club championship, but so vhat. He needs to get back un his fatty diet. Speaking of fatty, sook at zee Sloth. He makes me laugh ven he chips da ball. Fat unt fat unt fat ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! I haven't laughed like dat since I vas a little boy. Now now let me say dat vee in da mother land tink highly of da Jackal. Vee like hiz spirit and competitiveness. He has many good shots he hits but he likes to make zaa doubles. Vee feel dat da Jackal is no consequence because he ist old and flabby. Lastly I vant to talk about dis shneaky Ferret boy. He vee are concerned about since he keep posting das guut scores yet hiz handicap doesn't go down. Dis is very concerning to us and ist perceived as a threat to our glorious victory. Vee tink dat if da Ferret doesn't bring "A" game den vee vill vin no problem. I say guut luck to us and piss on American veek golfers."
Looks like the American's have their hands full with the fuzzy foreigners as well as the challenge of player together as a unit. Myself and F.J. will have more on this story this week as the PanJack tour players get ready for what is amounting to the challenge of their careers.
1 comment:
A letter to the editor of the PanJack Chronicle:
Gentlemen, I am appalled that you would solicate quotes from Clause Uberugly. It is widley known that his uncle was Josef Mengele who perfomed attrocious medical experiments on humans and creatures of the forest during World War II. His taunting remarks to the PanJack tour team makes me sick!!! To criticize the Great Panda for his weight loss shows how ignorant this man is. Does he not understand that the Panda was band from virtually every public rest room in the Twin Cities due to his fatty diet? The only way the furry marauder could regain pooping permission from the United States Porta Potty Association was to go on a dramatic diet consisting only of roughage.
And to pick on the Sloth like he did about his wedge play this year was just outrageous. This is a man who has brought so much to the tour his first year!! He has been a thrilling player to watch. Taking a round of 78 and turning it into a round of 87 is no small feat sir!! He has provided the fans of the tour with thrills not even John Daley could imagine.
Mr. Uberugly's shot at the venerable old Jackal smacks of the predjudice that his sponsor, the AARP, has been fighting for years. Shame on you sir!!!
And finally, to insinuate that the Ferret only brings his A game when the money is on the line is outlandish!! We all know 17 handicappers who can hit wedges that suck back to one foot of the hole....don't we?? Well, the little Nazi may have a point on that one.
I for one will be out cheering on my heroes this weekend and hope they crush Mr. Uberugly's team.
Rossevelt Patton
Normandy Connecticut
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